SWM Characters

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As the show has gone on, certain characters from Star Wars, especially minor background characters, have become favorites that the hosts bring up far more than they are referred to in the actual movies. Many of them have found they way onto official Star Wars Minute shirts and mugs.

First SWM t-shirt featuring heads of many SWM characters
First Row: Old Ben Kenobi, Boba Fett (from the Holiday Special), Ponda Baba, Pol Treidum.
Second Row: DJ Death Squad, CZ-3, Bossk, Chief Ugnaught.
Third Row: Pete and Alex.
Fourth Row: Deck Officer, Lobot, Toryn Farr, Itchy.
Fifth Row: George Lucas, C-3PO's decapitated head, Wioslea, Treadwell.
Sixth Row: Pete The Jawa, Snaggletooth, 2-1B, Jek Porkins.

Original Trilogy

2-1B

Despite his caring appearance and manner, this doctor droid was very philosophical about his job. He knew he was merely a tool to be used for a particular function. With a little reprogramming he could just as easily have turned his considerable talents to evil without a second's thought. He was one restraining bolt away from putting everybody in a bacta tank without the mask.
Additionally 2-1B ran an advice column and occasionally moonlighted at a certain Mobile Army Surgical Hospital and was also a talented veterinarian. He did not think very highly of FX-7's surgical skill and insisted on doing Luke's hand replacement himself.

Bossk the Trandoshan

Everyone's favorite Trandoshan. Trandoshans are discussed in SWM 100 as follows:

  • They eat Wookiees and may get hair-balls as a result.
  • Alex - making reference to his pet peeve - indicates that ALL Trandoshans are bounty hunters and are famous because they love curling their toes across metal plates.

Bossk's shines as one of the Space Killers from ESB minute 66. He has a twin brother named Peanut Butter Head. Together they helped invent SpacebookLogo.jpg, but were betrayed by their partner Mark Zuckussberg.

CZ-3

Although he never has any lines in the films, the hosts surmised that, based on his appearance, this droid would have talked in a goofy voice. He suffered from bad sunstroke and wandered the streets of Mos Eisley, muttering to himself. He was played by Golden Tony Daniels. Although Wookieepedia may tell you differently[1], in the Star Wars Minute Canon it is unclear whether this is the same droid as from the Jawa Sand Crawler and later from Jabba's Palace.

DJ Death Squad Commander

Was he piloting the Death Star, or merely setting the mood with the right tunes? And why did he need to wear gloves and such a giant helmet to do that? All good questions.

FX-7

This multi-armed medical droid was the resident to 2-1B's doctor. When it came to caring for the battered Luke Skywalker following his Wampa encounter, 2-1B wouldn't let him help, only allowing him to run the fecal sample. He was most likely left behind on Hoth after the evacuation where he provided needed company to General Rieekan and other permanent residents. An FX model later showed up in Return of the Jedi at the briefing scene, showing that 2-1B considered him easily replaceable.

Golden Tony

This name is based on the actor who plays C-3PO, Anthony Daniels. Although he is not actually a minor character, he's been a lot more fun to talk about now that everyone has started calling him "Golden Tony". The name first appeared in Jedi Minute 36.

Gonk

In SWM 15 Gonk is discussed as follows:

  • Alex recounts a childhood attempt to make Gonk costumes with large cardboard boxes and Sharpies to color them in.
  • Gonk droid cosplay ideas from Chris and Alex.
  • Pete recalls the Star Wars Usenet news group "Gonk war" on rec.arts.sf.starwars in the early days of the internet. Early internet trolling? Trolling could have become known as "gonking".
  • Chris question - Where did the name "Gonk" come from? Pete answer - The noise he makes. Chris' response - So, do we call R2-D2 "Beepy Whistle"?


Gonk is certainly a beloved SWM character.

Jek 'Piggy' Porkins

Jek Porkins is a legend of SWM and has become the de-facto flag-bearer for all true SWM fans. He was picked on, made fun of, and body-shamed but this didn't stop him from achieving flight status in the rebellion. Jek Porkins nobly (and quickly!) gave his life in the 'Battle of Yavin' but not before touching the hearts of each and every-one of us.

The legacy of Jek Porkins lives on with the Jek Porkins Memorial Sexology which is now a regular part of the SWM:WE.

Porkins was also known as Jek 'Tono' Porkins in the comic, and his name may have been the first warning sign of Lucas's writing abilities and tendencies.

RIP JP.

Pete The Assistant Manager Jawa

As discussed in SWM 13, and as first discussed on the Ink Banthas podcast, Pete has identified a Jawa in Star Wars known as Pete The Assistant Manager Jawa. After R2-D2 is shot by a Jawa in Star Wars, the head Jawa calls over to what, Pete assumes, is someone's cousin or brother that got a job with the corporation, calls out 'PETE' and motions him to come over. Pete The Assistant Manager Jawa then comes over and takes care of business with R2-D2 on the ground.
Pete appears other times in the movie and he is always the main guy called over to do the work.
(Note - In SWM 13 Alex bums PTR out by asking if PTAMJ survived the great Jawa massacre later in the movie. Maybe he did survive, maybe he didn't - we'll never know.)

Pol Treidum

"TK-421, why aren't you at your post? TK-421, do you copy?"

―Pol Treidum

Lieutenant Pol Treidum was one of the first SWM Characters and the hosts try to say his name whenever possible. He had smart taste in fashion, and decorated his office with Dantooine Soul Barrels (aka Pol Treidum Memorial Barrels in later podcast episodes).
He was presumably killed by Chewbacca when he was thlapped across the room.
The Pol Treidum Memorial Computer Room is named in his honor. He is also featured on a shirt on TeePublic.
The actor who played him, Peter Sumner, is the only actor from the original film to appear in a fan film (playing the same character). Sadly, much like the iconic character that he portrayed, Peter Sumner is no longer with us. Goodbye funny man.

Tag and Bink

Tag and Bink are two guys who, through a series of events, find themselves intrinsically linked to key scenes in Star Wars. These include:

  • Discussing the new BT-16 while guarding the tractor beam SWM 85.
  • Being the two TIE Fighter pilots that fly with Darth Vader SWM 112.

Pete loves the 'Tag and Bink' concept and thinks it's very amusing.

The Deck Officer

Deck Officer!

Deck officer

Toryn Farr

Big head t-shirt featuring Toryn Farr
The only female character to have a speaking part in The Empire Strikes Back, other than Princess Leia. Her only line is "Stand by, Ion Control...Fire." She is featured on a shirt available at TeePublic.

Treadwell

Originally Treadwell had a far greater role in the original Star Wars, but his big scene was eventually cut out, and only survives (in part) in the Star Wars Radio Drama. He isn't that great at fixing things, but if you need a pair of binoculars on wheels, he's your droid. Uncle Owen wouldn't let Luke get a space dog, so he settled for letting Treadwell follow him around.

See also: SWM-Canon: Treadwell

Wedge Antilles

As stated on Wookieepedia, Wedge Antilles was a renowned human male starfighter pilot - and the SWM hosts certainly agree with this assessment. From possibly being the true hero of the rebellion to being such a big character that three actors were required to perform the role (see SWM 98 for all the details) Wedge is a revered figure in "The Star Wars Minute".
For a Wedge-themed haiku, see SWM 111.

The Prequels

Ainlee Teem from Malastare

Bumper sticker
Alex: "Who's he?"

Pete: *sheepishly* "He's from the prequels"

He's the "also ran" who failed to beat Sheev Palpatine in the election for Supreme Chancellor.

Gary the Clone trooper

There are many like him, but this one is ours. Gary fell out of the LA/AT during the battle of Geonosis, and Anakin wanted to go back for him, but Obi-Wan would not let him.

Gasgano

Alex: "He had FOUR ARMS! How could he lose?!"
A favorite of Pete's from the Star Wars Episode I: Racer game.

General Zod

Terence Stamp, who played Supreme Chancellor Valorum, is perhaps best known as General Zod from Superman II

Jimmy Smits...In...Space!

In the movies he's known as Bail Organa, but to fans of SWM, he will always be Space Jimmy Smits (see the Ink Banthas bonus episode). He is played by Earth Jimmy Smits.

Ric Olié

My first name is "Ric" and my last name is "Olié". I have hair on my head that is receding.
Ric Olié is a character in Star Wars. He was in a movie called Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, which is a Star Wars movie. He has an entry on the SWM Characters page of the STAR WARS MINUTE Wiki. His entire character is one big exposition dump.

In the same way that Captain Panaka was "Captain Pessimism", Ric Olié was "Captain Incredibly Obvious". His only role in the film was to point out things so painfully obvious that anybody with eyeballs would have already noticed them. For this reason, he has become a beloved SWM Character and is invoked whenever something is unnecessarily explained.
He was selected (in a landslide victory) for inclusion in this page as part of the 500th Article Extravaganza.

Yarael Poof

Come, sway away your troubles, the Yarael Poof way.

Everybody's favorite(?) balloon-headed Jedi master. His long thin neck constricted the circulation of midi-chlorians throughout his body, so he was very strong in the force right around his Adam's apple.
Yarael Poof was tragically cut down in the prime of his life in an accident involving a space butter knife. That is why he doesn't appear in any of the other prequels.

Disney Characters

Technically, since Disney bought Star Wars, all the characters are Disney characters, but we're just talking about characters from the new post-Lucas films.

Ira Bell

This SWM character name comes from cut dialog from Rogue One that appeared in the trailer. When Jyn Erso is confronted with her laundry list of misdemeanors, she explains that this is a rebellion, and "I rebel". Many who saw the trailer, including potentially our hosts, misheard the line as "Ira Bell", so this has become her unofficial SWM name.

Uncle Pluck


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