Jedi Minute 80: Dorothy Parker Sass Machine

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April 24th, 2015


The conclusion of our live show from Star Wars Celebration in Anaheim!


Matt Gourley



  • Starts with Leia telling Luke not to talk that way, and ends with Leia getting up and saying no.
  • It's a very negative minute.
  • Literal cricket chirps after Luke makes his revelation to Leia.
  • Leia quotes Han: "I know".


  • Matt is back!
Another dramatic reading. Once again, playing the part of Luke Skywalker will be our very own Alex Robinson; playing the part of Princess Leia will be Matt Gourley, and Pete will read the occasional stage directions.
  • What a crazy coincidence, the teaser trailer for Episode VII just dropped yesterday (April 16th, 2015), and uses an alternate take of dialog from this minute.
  • We'd like to see Leia using the Force and training padawans to be sassy.
  • If Luke invites you out to the balcony to talk, DON'T go unless you want him to tell you all about the Force again.
  • Leia seems to be able to cope with the fact that she's Luke's sister relatively well. Does she believe him?
  • 2-1B's spin-off crime procedural drama show.
  • Leia not letting Luke finish, and assuming his sister was somebody else.
Matt tells an embarrassing story of having his head turned by a cute girl, only to immediately discover it was his own sister. She looks a lot like Princess Leia.
  • Leia has just discovered that her family wasn't dead, but that her brother or father (or both) was about to be killed when Luke went to go confront Vader.
  • What if Leia didn't believe Luke and thought he was crazy?
    • Luke telling everybody that they're related to him.
  • How much of the rest of the story does Luke know?
  • Mentioned: The obstetrician robot.
    • If that's the "B-machine", what happened to the "A-machine"?
  • Mentioned: The Brackett Draft. Summoning a Force ghost.
  • Flash forward to the flying whales on Kamino.
  • Props to Ben Burtt.
  • Listener Projects: Make a five-minute loop of the crickets chirping as Leia makes a face.
  • Different ways to describe the Force.
  • Carrie Fisher facts:
    • Middle name: Frances.
    • Turned down a part in The Blue Lagoon.
    • Worked to punch up the scripts for the Prequels.
  • Alternate casting of Star Wars.
    • Mentioned: The Star Wars radio drama.
  • William December Williams as a Zen koan.

Meta Minute

  • 23:09 podcast episode length.
  • Cold open: 8-DAY-GREEDO call from inside Celebration. Lars kicks off the controversy about Moisture Vaporators.
  • Not surprisingly, and are not real websites.
  • For whatever reason, the midwife droid has "feminine" programming.
  • The question of "what does the 'D' stand for?" was answered in minute 121 of ESB


  • Matt: ...and I'm Matt Gourley from Moisture That's "'e' underscore vaporators" dot com.
  • Alex: We can bun each other's hair.
  • Pete: (as Leia) He [Luke]'s gotta stop hanging out with that puppet.
  • Pete: I don't speak Chroon-Tan.
  • Pete: It's like a "William" crust with a "December" filling.


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