Attack of the Clones Minute 64: The Same Wum-Wum

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February 9th, 2017


Jango Fett's ship lifts off from the platform and heads up into the lowering sky. It disappears. Lightning flashes.


Ralph Attanasia & Asterios Kokkinos



  • Starts with Jango scaling the platform, and ends with an H-type Nubian yacht landing on Tatooine.
  • Jango hits his head om the closing door, callback to the stormtrooper who hit yes head in Star Wars.


  • Star Wars planets are each only one environment. What new environments are left?
    • Tornado planet? Earthquake planet? Maybe a giant flower planet?
  • Clothing in Star Wars and gender inequality.
  • Obi-Wan gratuitously uses the Force to open the door.
    • Maybe they're really automatic doors; he gestures right and the door opens left.
  • Jango is winded after his fight.
  • Slave I is an inconveniently-designed ship.
  • Richard Hatch's characters in the original and the remake of Battlestar Galactica.
  • Problematic propulsion systems in Star Wars.
    • Thrusters/flame jets vs. repulsorlift; if some things can hover silently, how come you need gouts of flame to lift a tiny R2 ubit? Why don't they have the same wum-wum that a landspeeder has?
  • They Might Be Giants.
  • Who really won the Clone Wars?
  • The Prequels water down Boba Fett.
  • Asterios stands up for Josh Trank.
  • Banthas(!).
  • The Naboo yacht is super conspicuous and ostentatious.
  • Riddle: what's a Jawa's favorite adult beverage? Answer
  • Plug for

Meta Minute

  • 25:48 podcast episode length.
  • Contrary to popular belief, the Coriolis force has very little to do with how water drains from the toilet[1].
  • This is the first time Pete's "real name" is ever uttered in the show.
  • Numerous times during this episode, the hosts or guests get to close the show because of bad puns.
  • If Ralph and Asterios ever do start They Might Be Podcasting, the show would run from "13" to "Zeroes". Interestingly, Alphabeatical began with a 12 (for "12-bar Original").
  • In episode 6 of Season 3 of Star Wars Rebels, they tie up the loose end about who really won the Clone war.


  • Our guests do a local news-style intro
 Ralph: (Cheesy news anchor voice) ...and I'm Ralph Attanasia coming to you live from the STAR WARS MINUTE news desk in Manhattan, New York City. Over to you, Asterios!
 Asterios: This is Asterios Kokkinos with the weather. On Kamino it's always raining! It's weird. Yes that's right, in this universe entire set pieces happen in only one easy-to-point-to climate! Whether you're on a desert, in a forest, in a snow thing, or on a beach, you will always know that you're somewhere in the Star Wars universe.
 Ralph: And our eye in the sky with traffic in the Slave I traffic copter, it's young Boba Fett! Boba how ya doin' up there buddy?
 Alex: (as young Boba) Dad, get 'im!
 Ralph: Good God, do we hate him.
  • Ralph: I'm just gonna wear a sports bra and jeggings.
  • Ralph: My notes for this minute are just a picture of me with my eyes X'ed out and my tongue hanging out.
  • Pete: Maybe he [Jango] stole it [Slave I] from, like, an owl. Alex: Who?
  • Pete: Sometimes space prostitutes are just the answer.
  • Alex and then Asterios: I'm here to see... <surreptitiously> The Retailer.
  • Ralph: I'm sorry. Asterios, let's take our free observations of whatever's going on elsewhere. I know the guys who do the Alphabeatical podcast.
  • Ralph: <exasperated> Jangle dangle fingle fangle [...] anyone can hit their head on a door!!!
  • Ralph and Asterios: <dueling Sheevs>.
  • Asterios: You're Fox! You're run by a literal Australian supervillain. You're the reason we have bad presidents!
  • Ralph: Let's escape under cover of midday in the biggest car in the county.
  • Alex and then Asterios: You're gonna get Jawas.


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