Attack of the Clones Minute 61: Antimacassar

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February 6th, 2017


Anakin opens his eyes and looks at her.


Ralph Attanasia & Asterios Kokkinos



  • Starts with Anakin lengthily explaining the dreams he had about his mother, and ends work Jango Fett *pew pew* whipping out his guns.
  • Amidala's hair is big and cool looking.
  • Diagonal wipe.
  • First appearance of Slave I (episode order).


  • Plug for Asterios' new book.
  • Asterios didn't want to be on the show the same week as Ralph because Ralph is his favorite guest to listen to.
    • A version of the podcast with Asterios cut out.
  • Ralph and Asterios doing a (highly theoretical) podcast where they analyze the Star Wars movies one minute at a time.
  • Ralph hates this movie.
  • R2-D2's constant swearing.
  • Force visions messing up Jedi training. They're like Jedi puberty.
    • Referenced: Cheap Trick's "Dream Police".
  • Palpatine clouding the Jedi Force Vision using the Dark side, except for Anakin's visions. Lazy writing?
  • Shoutout to The Fifth Eleminute.
  • Creeps don't look like creeps.
    • Go against your instincts.
  • Anakin's rat tail grease.
    • The have antimacassars on every chair.
  • Natalie Portman's lack of acting in this scene.
    • Padmé needs an emotional decoy to emote for her.
  • The Jedi could easily have freed Anakin's mom but they don't. What's up with that?
    • This is why Asterios didn't like the movie when he first saw it. He felt bad for Anakin.
    • The validity of the argument that these movies are for kids.
  • Mandate.
  • Anakin has no male friends to discuss things with.
  • Ralph and Asterios establishing their friendship really well in the elevator ride up.
  • Criticism that there is no tension in the action sequences of this movie.
    • Just another day at the superhero office?
    • This raises the specter of tension in even mundane exchanges during the movie.
    • Comparison to the ending of Captain America: The Winter Soldier.
  • When we last left Obi-Wan and Jango, they were tense but civil. Now they're full-on fighting.
  • Jango makes his son load the car in the rain. Bad dad? Bounty hunter training?
  • Mentioned: The Prestige.
  • Anakin and Padmé are both attractive young people. Why are they making this so difficult?
  • Asterios has to talk about Attack of the Clones if he wants to hang out with the guys.
    • Pete and Alex don't get to hang out anymore unless they're talking about Star Wars.

Meta Minute

  • 27:00 podcast episode length.
  • This week of minutes was a last-minute record with Asterios and Ralph after a long stint in L.A. As such it was recorded long after the minutes that occur before and after.
  • The "de-specialized editions" are from Harmy.
  • All this week, Ralph uses a lot of cute nicknames for Asterios:
 Koko, Pokédex, Kokomo, A Stereo Kokomo's, Hysterical James Olmos.
  • Early in the history of the show, Pete toyed around with censoring curses using an R2-D2 beep, but it was too distracting, and he opted to go for regular bleeps instead.
  • In addition to his pay, which was considerable, Jango asked for only one thing...
  • The Prestige came out in 2006, four years after this movie.
  • Ralph references the movie Se7en (1995) in his Loot Crate ad.
    • Stance was one of the advertisers that supported the show, and led to the hashtag #SocksForAlex.


  • Ralph:...I am the one. The only. The sensual. The delicious. The man from behind the thing. The guy who can be described in words...
  • Ralph: It's on like Michelle Kwan.
  • Ralph: What fetid pile of manure in "Attack of the Clowns" are we gonna to try to shovel down today?
  • Asterios: (on the difference between AOTC and TPM) I'd rather be kicked in the shin than kicked in the crotch.
  • Ralph: Okay pretend you were a woman. And not you. And it was someone else. Asterios: If I'm pretending I'm a woman I think this is the point in the podcast where I leave immediately.
  • Asterios: You don't watch out for me, you watch out for Tom Cruise. Next thing you know he's having a weird robot baby and stopping you from talking to your parents!
  • Ralph: My next note is just the word "terrible" with a period.
  • Ralph: His [Anakin's] closest male friend is Obi-Wan, and by "closest" I mean they nakedly hate each other.
  • Ralph: Boba...wet?
 Asterios and Ralph improvise an ad for Loot Crate
  Ralph: *Bing bong*
  Asterios: Uhh hello?
  Ralph: Yes, I'm the mailm'n. I deliver things.
  Asterios: Ah, I hate it, you mostly bring bills!
  Ralph: <interrupting> Hey shut up a second. You got a big old face and I don't want to talk to you. What I want to give you is this sweet box.
  Asterios: Oh my lord! It's a cardboard box. Is there another box inside?!
  Ralph: It's Gwyneth Paltrow's head.
  Ralph: (Cheesy announcer voice) Don't be like Asterios Kokkinos! Get Loot Crate, it's super great. It's full of stuff. For nerds. And things. And I'm wearing Stance socks.
  Asterios: ...this month's theme is "loss".
  Ralph: We lost this month's theme. Good luck getting anything.
  Asterios: Promo code: sorry.


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